Whoever said that college football’s realignment soap opera was over was sorely mistaken, as a return of the Pac appears imminent.
In the bleary hours of Wednesday evening, the horsemen of the CFB apocalypse (online writers) beat down the already beaten path of college realignment gossip, trumpeting the news westerners have waited months to hear.
That’s right, folks, we’re getting the band back together — only this band is more like the iterations of Yes that continue to tour despite the founding members long since packing it in than The Rolling Stones.
No longer will our national nightmare of having to listen to the likes of CU and ASU live on, replaced by a utopian future filled with CSUs (both of the California and Colorado variety) and states that don’t exist (looking at you, Boise State).
While the Pac-12 is on the hook for a rumored $110 million in exit fees to buy the four Mountain West Conference members out of their contracts with their current home, they’ll at least have plenty to cover the costs, thanks to those sweet Pac-12 assets.
As a CSU (Colorado edition) alum, I’m thrilled to have the opportunity to watch the Rams beat up on the Aztecs, Beavers, Broncos, Bulldogs and Cougars — oh my — though we’ll see how this pillaging works out in a few years.
For now, let’s turn our collective attention to Week 3 of the college football season, as each of the 12 current and former Pac-12 teams, as well as the four soon-to-be newbies, play football across the gridions of America.
Last Week: 10-1 Straight-up/7-3 ATS
Season: 10-1 Straight-up/7-3 ATS
All odds provided by ESPN BET
Arizona State (2-0) at Texas State (2-0) — 4:30 p.m. Pacific time Thursday (ESPN)
Spread: Texas State -1
Our Pick: ASU wins, 38-20
How about the job that Kenny Dillingham has done in Tempe, eh? As an Arizona grad school dropout, that kills me a bit to admit, I won’t lie, but the Devils look leaps and bounds better than they have under former TV pitchman and playoff enthusiast Herman Edwards.
This week, Vegas somehow has Texas State as a home favorite over ASU, which seems fishy but I’m guessing they know a thing or two about this sort of thing.
Still, I’m riding the hot hand of a 34-year-old man who has never held a head coaching job in his life prior to getting the reins from disgraced former ASU AD Ray Anderson on Nov. 27, 2022.
No. 20 Arizona (2-0) at No. 14 Kansas State (2-0) — 5 p.m. Pacific time Friday (FOX)
Spread: Kansas State -7
Our Pick: Kansas State wins, 28-17
My lord did Arizona look awful against FCS featherweight NAU a week ago. After surviving a 60-minute barroom brawl against former WAC rival New Mexico to open the year, Brent Brennan’s bunch looked downright hungover against the Lumberjacks, limping to a 22-10 home win and looking queasy along the way.
This week, there will be no such pleasantries for Arizona if they come out flat, playing a “non-conference” game against Big 12 foe Kansas State, thanks to the idiocies of realignment.
The Wildcats survived a New Orleans hangover of their own (which is something I know quite well) on Saturday, surviving a barrage from Tulane in the Big Easy to emerge with a 34-27 road win after trailing by 10 points at halftime.
Come Friday night, we’ll see if Brennan can find a way to get the ball into Tetairoa McMillan’s hands, because if the future first round pick is MIA like he was last week, Arizona’s going to get crushed like a dollar store tent stake in Manhattan.
No. 9 Oregon (2-0) at Oregon State (2-0) — 12:30 p.m. Pacific time on Saturday (FOX)
Spread: Oregon -16.5
Our Pick: Oregon wins, 45-38
The first edition of the Civil War after the breakup of the Pac-12 kicks off on Saturday afternoon in Corvallis, setting the stage for a game that’s sure to mean an awful lot to the fine folks of the Willamette Valley.
Down in Corvallis, it’s high time for the underdog Beavers to exact a pound of flesh from their former conference rivals down in Eugene that abandoned ship for the gilded confines of the Big Ten.
In Eugene, it’s high time to show that the Ducks are a capable football team, after needing minor miracles to escape unscathed against Idaho and Boise State.
Nothing against the Broncos, who have a damn good shot at being the Group of Five member in this year’s CFP, but the Ducks should have won that one (at home) by two scores, which … they did not.
Now, it’ll be interesting to see if Oregon head coach Dan Lanning can put together a 60-minute attack plan on both sides of the ball that neuters the Beavers’ ground-and-pound offense that runs through senior Jam Griffin, who might have the greatest name in CFB.
I’m going with Oregon to win but not cover, because I wouldn’t be surprised if the Beavers naw off the Ducks’ legs and undercut their CFP dreams, just for shits and giggles.
Washington State (2-0) at* Washington (2-0) — 12:30 p.m. Pacific time on Saturday (Peacock)
Spread: Washington -4.5
Our Pick: Washington State wins, 24-17
This game is technically a neutral site contest, taking place at Lumen Field (home of the Seattle Seahawks), but given that the stadium is 7.3 miles from UW’s campus, it’s basically a home game for the Huskies.
No matter, I’m going with the visitors from Pullman in this one, mainly because Wazzu beat the brakes off Texas Tech at home last weekend (37-16), leaving little doubt that the Cougs’ are ready for prime time (unlike Coach Prime in Boulder).
Expect this one to be an absolute knuckle-dragger of a game, with Wazzu giving up 23 points per game this year while UW has surrendered 12 points total in a pair of cupcake games against Weber State and Eastern Michigan.
In a tight game, I’m going with the QB that’s shown the most talent this year, which has been Wazzu sophomore out of Little Elm, Texas, John Mateer.
Mateer leads the Cougs’ in passing and rushing yards, with 467 of the former and 252 of the latter, making him the most unlikely dual-threat QB you’ll see in a game this year.
With Oregon State and Washington State both hosting blood rivals at the same time on Saturday, it’s high time to invest in a second screen and watch the carnage unfold, because one or more of these underdogs is going to chomp their opponents to size come Saturday afternoon.
Utah (2-0) at Utah State (1-1) — 1:30 p.m. Pacific time on Saturday (CBS Sports Network)
Spread: Utah -18.5
Our Pick: Utah wins, 27-10
Given the news that Utah’s old man of a quarterback (Cam Rising) is likely to miss this weekend’s game in Logan, I’m downgrading this one from an absolute pasting to an absolute gridiron slugfest.
Utah State is playing without their head coach, after the Aggies shitcanned Blake Anderson due to “contacting a potential domestic violence victim,” per USA Today, which is as good a reason to fire a person for cause as any.
Nonetheless, the leaderless Aggies have split their first two games, routing FCS member Robert Morris before getting routed by USC, 48-0, on Saturday night.
The Utes, meanwhile, put together a tale of two halves against Baylor — leading 23-3 with Rising under center, before clinging on to a 23-12 victory after the old man of a QB went down with an injury.
Now, we’ll see if backup Isaac Wilson, who connected on 4-of-9 passes (yuck) for 30 yards with a 27.6 QBR against the Bears, can get Utah over the hump on Saturday in Logan.
Luckily for all involved, Utah has running back Micah Bernard to lean on, a week after he gashed Baylor for 118 yards on 19 carries in a runaway win in the Utes’ Big 12 debut.
UCLA (1-0) vs. Indiana (2-0) — 4:30 p.m. Pacific time on Saturday (NBC)
Spread: Indiana -3
Our Pick: UCLA wins, 17-14
What better way to kick off the bold new era of the Big Ten than by hosting an Indiana squad that has wins over gridiron luminaries like FIU and WIU this year?
Well, luckily for first-year head coach DeShaun Foster, that’s exactly what the Bruins will do on Saturday afternoon, when thousands of football fans flock to the unshaded confines of the Rose Bowl to watch two Big Ten bottom-feeders battle it out on national TV.
While the Hoosiers are unbeaten in Curt Cignetti’s first year in Bloomington after turning JMU into an FBS darling, I’m going with the home side in this one, though it’ll be an absolute disgrace to the game of football that should be avoided at all costs for national security purposes.
Colorado (1-1) at Colorado State (1-1) — 4:30 p.m. Pacific time on Saturday (CBS)
Spread: Colorado -7
Our Pick: Colorado State wins, 48-45
Look, take this pick with a grain of salt the size of Salt Lake City. I’m a CSU alum and a believer that Jay Norvell has to win one of these games eventually.
Take that with a side of CU looking like absolute ass against Nebraska in a 28-10 loss in Lincoln that easily could have been twice as bad and you have the ingredients for CSU’s first win in the series since 2014.
A fun FYI here is that the Rocky Mountain Showdown is returning to Fort Collins this year for the first time since 1996, when CU beat CSU’s ass by 14 points, which is something that Norvell and company will look to change come Saturday evening.
San Diego State (1-1) at Cal (2-0) — 7:30 p.m. Pacific time on Saturday (ESPN)
Spread: Cal -18.5
Our Pick: Cal wins, 27-14
The Sean Lewis era on The Mesa has been anything but easy on the eyes so far, with the Aztecs beating an FCS school I’ve never heard of called Texas A&M Commerce by 31 points (45-14) before Oregon State tore them apart, 21-0, at Snapdragon Stadium last week.
Up in Berkeley, the liberal agenda that is Cal Golden Bears football has quietly emerged as a tour de force under hot seat enthusiast Justin Wilcox, beating UC-Davis and Hugh Freeze’s operation at Auburn to start the season.
Last weekend’s 21-14 victory by Cal over Auburn served as the latest round of America’s ongoing culture war, with a bunch of long-haired hippies from the hillside heading to the Yellowhammer State and hammering the Tigers into the ground.
While Saturday’s nightcap between the Bears and Aztecs won’t be easy to watch, I do expect Cal QB Fernando Mendoza to do some cool shit with the ball, ultimately guiding the Bears to their first 3-0 start since 2019.
Fresno State (1-1) vs. New Mexico State (1-1) — 7:30 p.m. Pacific time on Saturday (TruTV)
Spread: Fresno State -19.5
Our Pick: Fresno State wins, 45-28
The Bulldogs and Aggies meet in heart of the Central Valley with dueling 1-1 records, though New Mexico State enters on the heels of a humiliating loss to a diploma factory disguised as a religious institution of higher learning.
That sludge factory is, of course, the Liberty Flames, who came back to beat the plucky Aggies, 30-24, knocking Tony Sanchez to the ground in his first home game against an FBS foe.
Now, the two sides meet on TruTV (lol) in what might as well be a “Pac-12 After Dark” contest, which is why I expect it to easily clear the current over/under of 47.5 come Saturday night.
I’m going with the flying green chile burrito brothers from Las Cruces to cover the spread in Steinbeck country on Saturday night in a game that’ll bring a tear to Pac-12 fans that are still awake at midnight Pacific time for some reason.