Welcome to Money Grab Week in college football, better known as “Conference Championship Week” to those on the payroll in Bristol.
This week’s redundant contests include such diddies as 10th ranked Boise State battling it out against No. 20 UNLV on the Smurf Turf on Friday night, along with an unholy matinee inside Jerry World on Saturday between ASU and Iowa State.
Throw in a Saturday nightcap that includes top-ranked Oregon against No. 3 Penn State in the Hoosier State and you have the full rundown of the West’s amateur football contests this weekend.
While my deeply held hot take is that conference championship games are an affront to whichever pigskin deity you choose, it’ll be fun to watch six red-hot teams play in what amounts to a CFP appetizer this weekend.
Here’s how I see the Mountain West, Big 12 and Big Ten title games going, dear readers, as our nation turns its lonely eyes towards the truck stop towns of Boise, Arlington and Indianapolis this weekend.
Last Week: 9-2 Straight-up/4-5 ATS
Season: 87-44 Straight-up/63-63 ATS
All Odds Provided By ESPN BET
No. 10 Boise State (11-1) vs. No. 20 UNLV (10-2) — 5 p.m. Pacific time Friday (FOX)
Spread: Boise State -4
Our Pick: Boise State wins, 31-27
Ashton Jeanty deserves the damn Heisman (sorry Travis Hunter), and I will not relent in my belief that the CFB hot takes industry has deprived him of being a shoo-in simply because he’s too damn good at his job.
Jeanty is having the best single season a running back not named Barry Sanders has posted in college football history, with 190.7 rushing yards per game for the Broncos, despite running against eight, nine or hell, sometimes even 10 men in the box at a whack.
Jeanty needs 340 yards to match Sanders’ single season NCAA record of 2,628 rushing yards in 1988, which he damn well could do on Friday alone if UNLV’s run defense gets left on the tarmac at Harry Reid International Airport (note: Eat all the shit in the world, Pat McCarran).
Come Friday night, I’m going with Jeanty to avenge his “worst” start of 2024, when UNLV held the star running back to 128 yards on 33 carries in a 29-24 Broncos victory inside Allegiant Stadium, with Boise State pulling off a slim win on the Smurf Turf to make the 12-team CFP field.
Ashton Jeanty vs. Barry Sanders:
Barry Sanders (1988): 2,628 rushing yards, 37 rushing touchdowns (11 games) — 238.9 YPG
Ashton Jeanty (2024): 2,288 rushing yards, 28 rushing touchdowns (12 games) — 190.7 YPG
No. 15 Arizona State vs. No. 16 Iowa State — 9 a.m. Pacific time Saturday (ABC)
Spread: ASU -2
Our Pick: Iowa State wins, 27-24
If there’s one thing that powers this newsletter besides the therapeutic properties of a quadruple shot of espresso, it’s my sheer level of snarkiness towards Arizona State.
While I’ll give ASU props on a fantastic season under America’s leading source of Elderly Millennial energy, Kenny Dillingham, I’m looking forward to watching Matt Campbell feed the Devils into a man-sized meat grinder inside the glass-inclosed gridiron inferno known as Jerry World this weekend.
Iowa State enters the 2024 Big 12 championship game ranking all of 35th in passing yards per game (258.0) and 65th in rushing yards per game (164.6), thanks to a defensive front that’s corn-fed and blood-thirsty.
Come Saturday afternoon, I’m going with Campbell & Co. to pull out all the stops, with an ill-timed sun dog blinding an ASU wideout in the end zone to seal a Cyclones win at AT&T Stadium this weekend.
No. 1 Oregon vs. No. 3 Penn State — 5 p.m. Pacific time Saturday (CBS)
Spread: Oregon -3.5
Our Pick: Oregon wins, 37-27
Our third and final contest involving a team from the ashes of the Pacific-12 Conference involves America’s leading source of football ingenuity (Dan Lanning) going against the man grossly incapable of winning a game that’s attached to any semblance of consequence whatsoever (James Franklin).
Come Saturday, Penn State will have a relative home field advantage, playing just over 400 miles from Happy Valley in the heart of Homefield Apparel country.
Penn State has done everything right (save for their gridiron dump on midfield at Ohio State last month), with an 11-1 record and four straight wins over the Little Siblings of the Prairie known as Washington, Minnesota, Purdue and Maryland.
Come Saturday night, I expect Lanning and the Ducks to win the Big Ten in Oregon’s first season in their new digs, but to do so in the most meme-tastic way possible, ripping the Nittany Lions’ still-beating hearts from their collective chests, Mortal Kombat style.