How The West Was Won: Stacking Up The Pac-12 Diaspora In Week 4

What a weekend it was for the dynamic duo of scrappy ag schools located in cow towns across the Pacific Northwest, with Washington State snatching a win in the Apple Cup and Oregon State … inventing new ways to get blown out.

Even by going 1-1, the Pac-12 expats in hiding managed to score a much-needed PR win for the soon-to-expand collective, stealing joy from the face of Florida Man Jedd Fisch on a dreary Seattle day.

Now, Wazzu enters the fourth weekend of the CFB regular season with a tall task of their own — that being avoiding the proverbial CW Network faceplant against Ken Niumatalolo and the darling San José State Spartans inside Martin Stadium on Friday night.

With a victory over their quasi conference foe, Washington State will move to 4-0 for the year and into the proverbial driver’s seat for a potential CFP berth in 2024.

Our picks for that battle royal in Pullman and the rest of the weekend ahead can be found below, as we look to build on an impressive 17-3 start straight-up and 12-7 mark against the spread this season.

[P.S.: I’m headed to Barcelona for my long-delayed honeymoon on Saturday so this column is taking a few weeks off while I’m eating patisserie in Europe. Don’t call us … we won’t call you either.]

Last Week: 7-2 Straight-up/5-4 ATS

Season: 17-3 Straight-up/12-7 ATS

All Odds Provided By ESPN BET

Spread: Syracuse -8.5

Our Pick: Syracuse wins, 37-20

How about the start of the Fran Brown era in Central New York, huh? The longtime CFB assistant is making his presence felt, guiding the Orange to a 2-0 start after shellacking Ohio (38-22) before outlasting Georgia Tech (31-28) last weekend.

Now, two traditional rivals meet up inside the puffy building formerly sponsored by an HVAC company (Carrier) that famously did not have air conditioning, with the Orange and Cardinal meeting for the first time on Saturday evening.

For now, we’re going with the Fran Experience at home, as Stanford still has no idea how to put together a 60-minute game plan without shooting itself in at least one limb along the way.

Spread: Washington State -12

Our Pick: Washington State wins, 38-17

Longtime followers of the newsletter know that I’m a passionate subscriber to the “three outcomes” rule football, which is that there are three possibilities when you try to pass the ball and two of them are bad.

That’s why I’m batty about this year’s Cougars team, which has decided to abstain from the air game to let John Mateer rip apart defenses with his legs.

The 6’1 sophomore out of Little Elm has done that in spades, too, gaining 314 yards and four touchdowns on the ground this year, highlighted by a 21 rush, 197 yard performance against Texas Tech in Week 2.

Mateer has scored at least one touchdown on the ground in each of the Cougs’ three games this year, which has been a salve of sorts given the fact that he’s completed a mere 52.9% of his passing attempts this year.

Come Saturday night, I expect Coach Ken to dial up some unique blitzes and knock Mateer off his game early on, before the Cougs’ smother SJSU alive down the stretch.

Expect this one to get out of hand in the final stanza, as WSU head coach Jake Dickert looks to seize on the momentum of last weekend’s Apple Cup triumph and show that the Cougs’ are for real out west in 2024.

Spread: USC -5

Our Pick: USC wins, 32-21

What a difference a year makes in Tinseltown, folks. The arrival of a bona fide, genuine defensive coordinator instead of a glorified golfing buddy has turned USC into a legit Big Ten contender, with veteran QB Miller Moss looking like a dark horse Heisman contender in L.A.

Sure it’s only two games’ worth of data, but USC has claimed wins over a ranked LSU team and a piss-poor Utah State team by a combined margin of 55 points this year.

The latter of the two looked like the Mortal Kombat scene where a character snatches an opponent’s spine, as USC crushed the Aggies’ will early and often, making the Saturday night showdown look more like a glorified walkthrough than a matchup between two FBS programs.

This week, USC heads out for their first true road game of the year, hitting the Big House for their Big Ten debut.

Their reward is getting to play a Wolverines team that looked like it got caught with its pants around its ankles against Texas two weeks ago. Sadly for UM, things didn’t get much better a week later, as the Wolverines barely beat Butch Jones and the sundance kids from Arkansas State, 28-18, despite looking like absolute ass for much of the game.

Should Michigan falter the way they have all year long, they’ll get run out of the half-full house on Saturday afternoon, though L.A. era Lincoln Riley is as bad at wrapping up sure things as his defensive players have been at making tackles in recent years.

Spread: LSU -23.5

Our Pick: LSU wins, 48-10

Who let this abomination to the game of football happen? The Bruins are forced to travel damn near 2,000 miles to get run out of Death Valley like an LDS missionary, all to score some sort of symbolic victory for the commuter school based in Westwood.

TL;DR: This game is not worth watching. Pray for the Bruins, they’re going to need it.

Spread: Texas Tech -2.5

Our Pick: ASU wins, 17-14

The reward for ASU’s innovation in scheduling a non-conference road game against a team from the Sun Belt that 99% of the country had never heard of nets the Sun Devils a win this weekend.

That’s because Kenny Dillingham and his staff were able to ride out the week in the Lone Star State making inroads with recruits after surviving a 31-28 victory over Texas State, gaining the Devils some valuable time with future players and setting a game plan in motion against the Red Raiders this weekend.

Luckily for ASU, Texas Tech appears to be mediocre at best this year, having lost to Washington State by 21 points and padding their record with wins over the little sisters of the plains, Abilene Christian and North Texas.

All in all, ASU should come out of this one with a win, which means they’ll probably find a way to throw five interceptions and get blown off the field by a middling Red Raiders squad on Saturday afternoon in the Texas Tortilla Factory.

Spread: Oklahoma State -2.5

Our Pick: Oklahoma State wins, 28-27

In a clash of comically old QBs (Cam Rising of Utah and Alan Bowman of Oklahoma State, it’ll be the defenses of both teams that stand tall on Saturday.

The difference maker between two solid teams is the health of Rising, who fell victim to a hand injury in Utah’s 23-12 win over Baylor last week, leaving the Utes to hope for the best in Stillwater.

If Rising isn’t 100%, Utah’s cooked, thanks to the speedster (in every way possible) Ollie Gordon II, who has 216 yards and four scores for Okie State this year, and the play of the Cowboys’ defense this season.

In the end, I expect the home side to pull off a squeaker of a win over their visitors from the Beehive State, as OKST makes just enough stops to move to 4-0 for the year.

Spread: CSU -8.5

Our Pick: CSU wins, 28-10

As a disgruntled CSU alum, I’ve long lamented the Rams’ god awful jerseys dating back to the woebegone Russell Athletics days. The lone exception that that constant wurr of complaining was the annual “State Pride Day,” where Under Armour gives enough of a damn to give CSU some respectable Colorado themed unis.

This year, CSU hosts an equally god awful UTEP Miners team while wearing these goddamn jewels, with crisp blue lettering and a glorious red piping that makes them look like something out of a fever dream.

For that reason alone, I’m expecting CSU’s offense to awaken from its decade-long slumber, opening up a can of Aggie whoop-ass on the Miners, who have lost to Nebraska, Southern Utah (lol) and Liberty this season in successive weeks.

Spread: Washington -10.5

Our Pick: Washington wins, 24-17

The Jedd Fisch Experience got its first brain cramp of the year on Saturday when the visored wonder thought running a speed option on fourth and goal with a pocket passer was a smart decision.

Spoiler: It was not, and now UW is 2-1 for the year and looking for something to sacrifice to make up for last week’s blunder.

Luckily for the Huskies, the perfect patsy some calling on Saturday, as the Fighting AP Stylebooks from Northwestern visit Husky Stadium in the B1G nightcap on FS1.

I’m going with UW to figure out what went wrong against Wazzu on Saturday night, with Fisch earning a temporary reprieve from the hometown faithful after last week’s brain fart at Lumen Stadium.

Spread: FSU -2.5

Our Pick: Cal wins, 24-13

This one’s for the “Calgorithm,” or the name bestowed upon the wonderful oddballs that root for Cal football (bless their hearts). This cast of irreverent progressives have trolled FSU and by extension everyone in the Sunshine State so hard that Ron DeSantis is about to name the collective to his cabinet.

Oddsmakers are still riding with Mike Norvell in this one, but I’m a firm believer that FSU is cursed until that online idiot eats a cup of dog excrement to pay the virtual piper.

If you have no idea what that last graph was referencing, all I have to say is congrats on not being terminally online.

Spread: Colorado -2

Our Pick: Baylor wins, 38-28

America’s eminent knockoff sunglasses salesman managed to fall into a win against CSU (head hits desk while writing this, repeatedly), moving CU to 2-1 for the year.

Baylor enters Saturday night’s clash with the Buffaloes inside Folsom Field on the heels of a 31-3 rout of Air Force, which means the Bears don’t respect the troops, which could imperil their chances against the king of stolen valor this weekend.

Still, I’m going with a team coached by a man that didn’t try to run a ponzi scheme disguised as a prep school, so I’ll say that Dave Aranda earns a needed win over Deion come Saturday evening.

Spread: Oregon State -4.5

Our Pick: Oregon State wins, 32-10

Purdue lost badly enough to Notre Dame last weekend to engender legitimate sympathy from the state media crew at NBC that are held at ransom … I mean paid handsomely to cover each Fighting Irish game.

This week, a pissed off Beavers team that just got their ass handed to them by Oregon is going to come in looking to chomp some wood, or railroad ties in this case.

Don’t be surprised if the Beavers hang 50 on the Boilermakers this weekend. Oregon State’s going to roll in this one.

Spread: Fresno State -14

Out Pick: Fresno State wins, 38-3

I’m not sure how the Bulldogs managed to land the two-team Land of Enchantment Gauntlet in 2024, but here they are.

Fresno State is fresh off handing America’s team (the New Mexico State Aggies) their ass at home, with the Bulldogs whooping the Las Cruces institution, 48-0.

This weekend, an even worse team from New Mexico gets to play the Bulldogs, which is going to result in a final score so brutal that children will be prohibited from entering University Stadium come Saturday evening.

For UNM fans: At least you have the Balloon Fiesta and a solid men’s basketball season to look forward to. No one can take that away from you.

Spread: Not Listed

Our Pick: Boise State wins, 56-3

Portland State made waves last week by having to cancel the team’s home game against FCS squad South Dakota because of … whooping cough?

How a team full of grown men caught a disease that’s been vaccinated against since the 1930s is beyond my paygrade. What I do know, however, is that Boise State is going to lay the lumber at home against the overmatched and recovering Vikings on Saturday night in Boise.

The only reason to tune into this former Big Sky showdown is to see how many yards Boise State running back Ashton Jeanty can rack up against PSU.

So far this year, Jeanty has run for 459 yards and nine touchdowns against the two-team who’s who that is Georgia Southern and Oregon.

I wouldn’t be surprised if the junior out of Jacksonville doubles that by the time the final gun goes off inside the Smurf Turf Emporium Saturday evening.

As for the game itself, expect Boise State to throw out the walk-ons by the time the fourth quarter arrives, as the Broncos are going to plunder the Vikings on both sides of the ball.